Joshua 1 - Attitude of the layperson in the church.

And they answered Joshua, "All that you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go. Just as we obeyed Moses in all things, so we will obey you. Only may the LORD your God be with you, as he was with Moses! Whoever rebels against your commandment and disobeys your words, whatever you command him, shall be put to death. Only be strong and courageous." - Joshua 1:16-18

I've been struggling with the attitude a layperson must have within the church recently. Well, I guess it's not really a struggle I had only recent, but a battle I was in since I started my life as a Christian.

I wonder....
Would I be able to submit myself to the leader that God has set upon me as these Israelite were? Would I be able to be the one who can support the leader that God is using? Would I have enough courage to do all that? Would I?

I need to pray....badly.

Sitting in the Starbucks Thinking...

After two days of fasting, many things came into my mind:

1. The Holy Spirit is somewhere in me, but not where He should be.
2. I got strayed for a LONG time. Like....almost four years.
3. I'm not smart. But I got no other gift.
4. I'm very worldly, in a way that i never saw the world with purely God's perspective.
5. I lost my first love in every way.
6. Career choice is not as important as my lifestyle to devote my life to God for His Kingdom.
7. I don't need special skills to be able to support me and my (future) family, for God will.
8. There's no better job to serve God.
9. I can't study for a long time. I need at least 2.5 days of fun in a week.
10. I'm nothing without God. His love is only thing I need.
11. I like girls. I'm not gay. I'm not celibate
12. Not that I'm not ready to be in relationship, but I got too many things in my hand at the moment.
13. Actually...I'm not ready because I'm not who I want to be to her.
14. I actually enjoy teaching.
15. I've been wondering, "why did I not switch earlier?"
16. Answer: "I was an idiot."
17. Correction: "I am an idiot."

Extra: I just found out that I have a twin nieces and they are ninth grade! Crazy...